I have been such a drag this year. I wanna be like the way I was in 2011 again. =D

So, let me get this clear. Today is a Monday, and I FAILED?! Yeah, I kinda did. LOLZ. But I’m changing tmrw. All I go to do is stop sleeping so much during the day, cause that causes insomnia at night. And I have to start eating very little if I want to be skinny. I also gotta cut down on the clinging around mummies. Gotta stop saying the words “I love you.” Gotta stop coming to fathers for advice for anxiety. Its not like they can do much anyway. I will be anxious like this until I conquer it and say ” NO!This is bullshit!” ( Say more swear words to get rid of it) I gotta grow up and act mature. Gotta start being aggressive again. I have to have a new attitude by tmrw. 

9 hours ago  /  0 notes

I’m heading back to Anorexia. But I’m going to make it last even longer this time. The feeling of bones on my body. Heck, I’m going to do it now.

I seriously need to head back to Anorexia. I seriously do.   Starting from tomorrow, I’m going to train my body to starve. Not through out the whole day though. That’s silly. I meant eat foods that are low in cal when I’m hungry. But in small amounts, little and little. I’m still going to starve as well. And restrict the calories. I did not change today. Pfft. Woke up late again. Tomorrow is my change day. Despite its going to be a Tuesday. As for today, I ruined my Monday. I do not care this time. Cause this time, when the alarm rings for seven in the morning, even if I feel tired. I’m going to wake up fresh to start my day. And tomorrow I’m heading out.  Better wear something decent and act mature. lol.

2 months ago  /  0 notes

Let me tell you why I’m not perfect: “MY FRIGGIN HAIR”

 Preface:”I guess it sucks to not be perfect. I mean I was, once. Way before I had cut my long hair. Just a reminder though. I’m NEVER EVER going to cut my hair again. And I’m never ever stepping into that salon again. The girl literally layered my hair. Lol. Yeah.   I’m keeping it long. Right down till my waist. I don’t give an eff of how slow or fast it grows I just want my hair to be long like it was before.”

2 months ago  /  0 notes

I guess what you think is right, I am delusional.

 Preface: “Why did I make him go. How did I make him change his mind. Why do I keep talking about him to people whom I would never really want to tell. Why can’t I just keep him a secret. Why couldn’t I had call him when he was merely and shortly interested. I don’t understand myself. I’m a messed up ass. I need him, need him now, but he does not need me. He’s moved on and I’m here in this world alone.”

: From now on, I think the best thing to do is just pretend that nothing is imperfect. I could pretend that I’m happy and I could pretend that I have long hair.  I could pretend that I didn’t give a damn about Logan, seeing as he does not give a shit about me as a friend. You see, when I’m friends with a guy, I kind of just flirt. Sometimes extremely. It depends on how I want to flirt. I guess he’s just confused that he thinks I’m in love with him but I’m not. Maybe its just a crush but its not love. We are not in love, alright. I’m only friends with him, but he just thinks I typically like him. I don’t. Sometimes I may think about him but seriously what teen would not want a little thrill in her life? And yeah he’s pretty awesome looking, kind of like hot rocker pin up boy. Cause most of the time I’m bored and I rarely head out. I don’t think wisely, I let others walk over me, bought that freaking pizza with my aunts cash that she gave me, so now I have nothing cool to get when I head out.  Tsk, tsk.

2 months ago  /  0 notes

One huge joke. Haha. Not.

Not going out again, today. Don’t know why I can’t enjoy life like the way I used to.  Need  fun times with fam again. But right now, I feel nothing. I’m empty and I have became emo. My life is different, somewhat. No messages littering in my inbox and no friendly little calls from my guy. No eating out, no shopping, no mall.  Damn it. >______<

2 months ago  /  0 notes

When you don’t want to be in love.

Honey, honey, I just wanna thank you for existing in my life

Just cause you hate me does not mean I would care

Never wanted to make you run away

I know, know that

I’m not the same

As I used to be

When you once knew me

And I just, I just

Want you to realize that I’m still here

Though it hurts sometimes to think about the times that we shared

And the fact that its now gone

Leaves me stranded on this life without you, oh without you

I hear about you everyday and I know exactly what you want

You want me to no longer hold up against you

As I slowly edged away from your shoulders that had lain us against a wall

I ran away the fastest I have ever ran

And cried with my eyes rolling up the sky

My anxiety, it never fades and it comes back over and over when you put me down

Cold humans laugh and they joke

But I don’t care, I don’t care

This is just me now, when you left me

And I don’t have the patience for it as I know you will hurt me again.

3 months ago  /  0 notes

If it feels right, let it be. I just dislike feeling unneeded.

There you are, I see sitting with that smile

Don’t you know I’m here for each one of you, yeah I tried

Was it something I said, or something I have done

Did my life just not come out right

Me dying for that guy that never knew I was alive

I just hate being left unsaid

Guess this is what they say is right

You will never what you got till its away

They say patience is a virtue

They say never hurt the ones that love you, yeah I tried

I’m sorry for all these lies they are burning up inside

Guess I got to let them go

You see, I never wanted to hurt all of you, yeah I tried

3 months ago  /  0 notes

I don’t know what I have done, in order to deserve heck like this that I could be having tonight.

I’m a pain in the thoughts.

I’m a loner in disguise.

I’m a stoner when I feel like stoning.

I drink beer in my mind and then I do not know where my mind leads to.

The same damn thing over and over.

Facing scary hallucinations and whatnot.

I do not care of what anyone thinks of me, when they hate me. I’m done caring.

Why do people treat me so badly without a reason?

Its not like I’ve done anything wrong, to deserve this.

Imagine having to go through life everyday, having to deal with things like this.

You fall out of love, life sucks and deep down you desperately try to find a way out.

I’m okay, I guess. Yeah, right.

But there’s too many things in my life right now that needs to be sorted.

I want to get a car, but I do not really have that much cash.

I’ve spent it on too many things, that people and I know obviously are unnecessary.

Only the future would tell when I would truly enjoy life.

3 months ago  /  0 notes